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Have you ever felt as if you we’re standing still, captivated by an influx of missed opportunities? 

I am standing tall, above myself, a god of my own choosing, a maker of my own reality. I have all this power, yet I do not have the strength to move… to act. I have lived. I have learned. I have smiled and I have cried. However, when I remember the past, I do not recall these moments. I can only consider what I have missed, what I should have done. Is it regret that restrains me?

Time may be infinite, but mine is not. I feel as if I have wasted so much of it. It is a heavy concept that weighs on me. As I mature and tend to make better decisions or seize better opportunities; time seems to move faster out of spite. As if it relishes my misery. As if it does not want to give me a try at happiness.

I look around and see all these happy people, gods of their own little worlds. Why don’t they worry and regret? Have they made all the right choices? Are they immortal? 
Why can they enjoy their time when I cannot? What do they have that I do not? What do they know that I do not…

Here I stand, wasting my time thinking of wasted time. Withering away with grief. I am missing something. Some piece of information that may guide me to happiness. Something that others have found but still eludes me. Will time, in all its spite, give me respite. How much time will it lend me to find this missing piece?

How much time will there be left for me to enjoy it?

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I was a student for most my life. I lost my purpose in life when I finally received my bachelor's degree in Psychology. I had no Idea what to do next. I became a teacher and fell in love with educating people. Helping them choose the right path. However, I could not say everything I wanted to. I had to follow guidelines... restrictions. I decided to start this blog as way of expressing myself. An outlet for my thoughts. To help the world without any limitations. For those who were wondering. My tag is Turdalicious for the following reasons. 1. I find it hilarious (yes I am still immature at times). 2. My name is David Turmel. On a Canadian medical card, they take the first 3 letters of your last name and the first letter of your first name to make your code. Hence, Turd for me. It was my nickname for a while. I embraced it and added upon it to make it funnier.

4 thoughts on “Time”

    1. I don’t quite understand your comment. However, this is a story of someone who is anxious and feels like he has not accomplished anything and feels like he never will. He feels like he is missing out on so much and his regret is overwhelming. He does not know how to manage his time and is stuck. Wasting he has left thinking about all of this. On the other hand, I do understand that we can enjoy ourselves. Worrying something is mostly pointless! Living and experiencing things should be your priority!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, David! I need some time to write an answer, because I’m not fluent in English. I have reread your post and read your comment. I wrote above about the volition and I think that is the main instrument to make the changes in us. We can throw away the extra regrets and start to live, begin to get an experience of fullness. But firstly, we need to pick yourself up with the help of the will and the volition. I am writing about the very first step, about determination to have a new vision. Excuse me about my grammar mistakes. I hope, you understand what I trying to say…

        Liked by 1 person

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