Fear

I try to create an appropriate environment for the task at hand. I light up a scented candle; Lavender… the smell of tranquility. I search for the perfect ambient music; Orchestral… the sound of inspiration.

I sit down and stare directly at the emptiness that exists before me. The dreaded blank page, ever so daunting. Alas, tranquility and inspiration are not what I need. They are ever present within me. My mind is a creative wonderland capable of wonders when put to the task. Any environment can be a palace of serenity if it is used to do what I love. Why then, is it impossible for me to write? Why do I procrastinate if I have the skills to complete the task at hand? Why am I powerless?

A frigid tear wakes me from my stupor as it tumbles down my cheek. However, it is not a tear bred of sadness.

I am haunted by recurring thoughts and doubts. I dread I will never be successful. I am terrified of never being read. Fear… Fear is what paralyzes me. My fear of judgment… my fear of failure. Oh, the irony of my idleness.

Fear supersedes ambition. Passion is replaced by anxiety. Will I ever become a successful writer? Or will I succumb to the will of my own demons?

***

Courage is found in the darkest of places. All I needed was a single spark that would reignite the flame within me. What I received were many. My friends, my family, my few followers… I thank you for your support.

I will not falter. I will no longer procrastinate. My demons will continue to haunt me, but they will not stop me from achieving my dreams. I will become a great writer. I may stumble. I may fall back in the abyss of self-doubt. However, my undying courage will shepherd me to success. My flame will never waver. It will grow alongside my conviction.

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turdalicious

I was a student for most my life. I lost my purpose in life when I finally received my bachelor's degree in Psychology. I had no Idea what to do next. I became a teacher and fell in love with educating people. Helping them choose the right path. However, I could not say everything I wanted to. I had to follow guidelines... restrictions. I decided to start this blog as way of expressing myself. An outlet for my thoughts. To help the world without any limitations. For those who were wondering. My tag is Turdalicious for the following reasons. 1. I find it hilarious (yes I am still immature at times). 2. My name is David Turmel. On a Canadian medical card, they take the first 3 letters of your last name and the first letter of your first name to make your code. Hence, Turd for me. It was my nickname for a while. I embraced it and added upon it to make it funnier.

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